Poof Piece No. 2: “Dearest Sandy”

Non-Binary Awareness Week 2021

Self Portrait - @sandymcintyre_

Dearest Sandy,

It is July 14th 2021, you’ve had a great day (despite the lockdown) and are genuinely happy. You’re 29 years old and work in a career in which you adore. It’s also been 9 months since you’ve been living authentically as a gorgeous non-binary human and you should be incredibly proud.

As a child, you’ll constantly dream or ask Mum “what could I be, what will I look like, how tall will I be, will I have new friends, and will they love me?" To which Mum will always respond with “Hmmm, you’ll be 6ft and beautiful, you’ll make so many new friends and of course they’ll love you, what’s not to love?” She’ll also tell you that you’ll be the hairiest out of the “men” in your family…but don’t worry, you’ll love it.

…And she was spot on the money, like always. 

You’ll spend hours in your bedroom questioning if you’re a female or male, trying on your mother’s clothes and posing in front of your mirror. You’ll cry and pray to a higher power for you to be straight. You’ll be conflicted as you find joy in women’s clothing and through your schooling career, will only ever have female friends. This, among other things, will cause you to be bullied. Try and ignore them, as you possess so much power and kindness that whatever the bullies say or do to you, you’ll be okay. Mainly because of your mum and the safety net she’ll create for you. Remember to take in everything you can while you’re with mum. She’s the person who’s going to make you believe that your dreams will come true, that your goals aren’t unreachable and that no matter who you are she’ll always love you. That forever, you’ll be her “lil darlin”. She’ll tell you when you’re wrong and when you’re out of line. Through these missteps you’ll learn not to repeat. These situations will shape the human you’ll become and although she won’t be around for long, these lessons will always stick with you.

After mum passes, you’re going to supress a lot of things and for the first time you’ll be by yourself. This will be an incredibly isolating and a confusing experience for you. This will force you to grow up, become independent and go out and chase those dreams that your mum knows will come true.

You’ll be discriminated against, but always remember that you’re in control. These humans, although they’ll try and hurt you either on purpose or not, will never place a dent in your gender identity. You have immense power, so never stop using it.

Friends will come and go but you’ll eventually find your people who, much like mum, will push and inspire you to do better and be better. Know that you’ll exist in an environment that is safe. Be proud of that because not many people can say that they have it. But know you have IT baby. In more ways than one.

Your relationship with your father will be tested. You won’t always see eye to eye, but he will come around. You’ll be forced to build a better relationship while he’s going through cancer, as you will know that you’re not ready for him to leave this universe just yet. You’ll both put the work in and you'll be so proud of him, much like he will be of you. He is going to accept you as a non-binary human and will want to learn how he can be a better ally to you. Know that there is privilege in this and don’t ever take it for granted, as your LGBTQIA+ siblings unfortunately don’t have the same experience.

You’ll go through a lot of jobs from bars, cafés, to call centres but you’ll find yourself in an industry where you are respected, where you are needed and where you’ll flourish into a beautiful, articulate human who’ll make change within a world that so desperately needs it. You should be so proud of yourself and the situations you will place yourself in. This will only be the start though, so don’t take it for granted and continue to work hard, ensure your voice is heard and always back yourself.

The world is changing, and you’ve got something to do with it. Know that. You are on your gender identity journey and it’s incredibly beautiful and the more authentic you are in how you present yourself, the more powerful you’ll become.

Now as I leave, remember to be kind, to keep posing in front of your mirror and to be your own hype girl. To listen and learn constantly and know that you are so loved baby Sandy.

You are important.

Love,

Sandy.